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 Yes, they ARE coming!!!

The holidays are highly anticipated with visits from family near and far. However, it can be a challenge….ok, even down-right frustrating oftentimes. The weeks of planning, shopping, wrapping, cooking and preparing for a ‘perfect family time’ can sometimes, actually most of the time, turn out a bit different than planned. Hopefully this article will help you enjoy and relish your time with family and friends.

We WILL have FUN, and I mean it….Really, what are your expectations?
Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your family – it’s not reality, nor will it ever be for anyone, unless they are paid actors with a script. People are human beings with their own quirks and personalities.
Try to imagine your family as a sit-com and get a laugh of the oddities that will most certainly come up. The occasional criticism, the annoying comments, the disagreements, is all just a part of being a family. Do not ‘get into it’ with them, or fight or be mean-spirited back; just do your best to forgive, and smile. Of course if there is a serious issue, deal with it as an adult, meaning think it through, count to ten, take a long walk and breath deep to avoid lashing out, or saying something you shouldn’t that will damage relationships. This too shall pass and they will go home.
Show kindness and respect to everyone, not just those you get along with better, or family members who treat you more kindly and are more considerate. If you work on being calm, happy, loving to all,  you’re giving your best, and that makes all the difference.
Don’t over-think or over-prepare.
Over-think means to imagine up all kinds of scenarios that might come, or might not. You cannot control everyone or everything. It is just not possible.
DO think of:

  • Have your house clean before they come. Everything will go much smoother, because clutter adds to the chaos.
  • Have extra basic supplies on hand, such as extra toothbrushes (go to the local dollar store and look at the basic toiletries for ideas and for low cost to you).
  • Have your laundry all caught up and put away so that if family needs to wash clothing due to a baby blow-out, a toddler accident, or their own needs, it will be available and you won’t be stressed trying to squeeze your washing in also.
  • Paper plates, paper cups, disposable utensils will be your best friend! Do not stress over doing all those dishes, this is a holiday for you too.
  • Have snacks on hand that are more healthy such as cheese sticks, crackers, granola bars, fruit, vegetables, fruit, bread, peanut butter, etc. for family to snack on when they get hungry. Put them in a ‘free zone’ meaning let them know they can have it whenever they would like and they don’t have to ask permission. This is particularly thoughtful for new in-laws or guests who may feel it would impose on your generosity to ask for food other than meals. But a hungry tummy makes any get together not so fun.
  • Speaking of food, it works well to label ‘do not eat’ in masking tape or on the container if it is an necessity for a certain recipe. There is nothing more uncomfortable than finding out your critical ingredient was eaten, the stores are closed or too far away, or the expense of replacing it would be too much. Embarrassing all around.
  • Consider food allergies.
  • Find out dislikes of certain foods and have a few options, such as peanut butter and bread, frozen burritos, anything simple they can prepare on their own, while not making more work for you. You may think this is going a bit overboard, but I will give you my example. I will not eat eggs of any type of preparation, so if I had the option of cereal or instant oatmeal for breakfast when eggs were the planned menu, I would really appreciate that host/hostess the mostest!
  • Do not be militant or overbearing, but do set down rules and boundaries that apply to your home. Make them clear from the get-go.

So-and-so Drives me crazy!
Some members of the family are more social than others; do not

  • Expect everyone to participate in every single activity being offered, or even to be involved with the family much; that’s just how some are, but love ‘em just the same.
  • Have an escape plan for yourself and spouse IF it does get a bit crazy, just tell them you have to go make sure all the little fish are still in their proper tanks at the local store or that you need to go help arrange the books at the library from tallest to shortest. It will give them the heads up you need a break, but with a sense of humor.

My Best advice:
Do tell your family of the ONE or two (but NO more than that) what the important activity, or event, to you (and spouse if it applies) that you want everyone involved in, and be clear which one it is. This could be a family picture, a dinner, a visit to see a relative, anything, but just one or two things and that’s the rule you can’t break. It is important that adult children have their own traditions to solidify them as a family unit and they may have the other side of the family who would like to see them also. This makes you happy because your main event will be attended by all, and helps family members know exactly what activity to plan on above all else. Generally they don’t want to disappoint or seem rude, they just may not know what to do to make you happy during the season.
Do NOT over-prepare:

  • Have food that can be prepared simply and quickly so you can participate in the family time and enjoy it as much as everyone else.
  • Try to have food that if it is not used, it can be stored for a future time.
  • Have things prepared to do, such as games, movies, an outing to see the holiday lights or a local attraction. BUT, do not expect everyone/anyone to do all those things. It is nice to have ideas to vote on, or choose from out of a hat.
  • If you are the one visiting relatives, chip in and help with the cooking and clean up. Do not wait to be asked, PLEASE.
  • If it is your house everyone is at, do not be shy about asking for help. It only makes you feel resentful that you are in the kitchen alone while everyone else vegges in front of the tv.

You know how an animal can sense your nervousness? Well, people are the same. That is why it is vital that you relax, enjoy and savor the time together, whether it is for one hour or a week. Family will want to be with you, IF you enjoy being with them, and it is the most relaxed environment you can make it. Families are made up of complicated individuals, yet the holidays can be simple and fun if you work out the details the best you can ahead of time, then sit back and enjoy the wonderful ride it is. Just think, after all the festivities, you could possibly write a best seller of all the ‘fun’ – just be sure to change the names.
Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mothers Shadow, 2013, 2014
Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

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  • Great tips. The older I get the more I just want to relax and enjoy time spent with my family.
    I was reading your ABOUT section. We have a lot in common. I have been married 29 years and my husband and I have 5 children from 22 to 11 years old. Like your husband, my husband travels every week. He is normally gone 3 to 4 days a week and has for 22 years. I can definitely relate to you.
    Sincerely thank you for stopping by and LINKING UP.
    Blessings, Diane Roark

  • Carrie, this is such great advice. With 4 kids, two sets of parents to please, Christmas Eve service to prepare for and all the stress that comes with the holidays, I struggle with keeping the peace. You are so right that people sense our nerves and are uncomfortable and react accordingly. My odest son and I are so in sync that he feeds off of my nerves and we end up having an argument each Christmas season. He always starts with………here it comes. He expects it to happen. My desire is that with your helpful advice I can relax a little (knowing I am prepared) and simply enjoy his company while he is home from college. Won’t he be surprised to find a relaxed mother for the first time in his life. I wish to be a blessing to all of my children. Isn’t it interesting that at Thanksgiving when I only prepare a couple of sides that we don’t have this issue?

  • I really appreciated reading your tips!

  • Thanks so much for sharing with Wednesday’s Adorned From Above Link party.
    Debi and Charly at Adorned From Above

  • Britni says:

    These are great ideas, thanks! My expectation for the holiday season is always to just enjoy as much time with family as possible and I pretty much always meet that expectation. Thanks for sharing on the weekend re-Treat link party!
    Britni @ Play. Party. Pin.

  • Thanks Carrie – This is wonderful advice. I’m going to keep it open on my computer and re-read it several times!

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